Saturday, May 12, 2012

Bittersweet Mother's Day...

First of all, I want to wish all the moms (and moms to be) out there a happy Mother's Day for tomorrow.  Every year on the Friday prior to Mother's Day, I exhort my students to thank their mothers (if they have the opportunity) for allowing them to live, especially since 'choice' is still the law of the land and has been since 1973.  Is it a bit controversial? Perhaps, but if people are going to be offended by kids thanking their mothers for not killing them in utero, then that's their problem, not mine.

Anyway, that's not what I was planning to write about - and the title of the post is not necessarily about tomorrow alone, but about the very notion of Mother's Day being bittersweet. To a large extent, this also applies to Father's Day.

The older I get, and the longer I have been married without any children (biological or adopted), the more I sort of want to look the other way every second Sunday of May (and third Sunday of June).  I can't, of course, because a) I don't own a cave and b) I still have to wish well to my own mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and to the other women who have been motherly figures to me also.  It was alright during the first 2-3, even 4 years we were married, but since then, it has become yet another stark reminder of what we don't have, and what we wish to have so badly.  

I want to hear and see children wish my wife a happy Mother's Day, much more so than to give me Father's Day wishes (although they would be nice too, but not as nice as Mother's Day wishes).  These are the things that we have missed out on, and quite honestly, I am envious of those who do get them, and have a special feeling of scorn for those who get them and/or don't appreciate it.  Call it a failing or a shortcoming on my part, but I can't help it.  

Part of this is venting of my own frustrations, but part of it is also a reminder to those who are parents to appreciate what you have.  Yes, there will be issues that arise, but remember this: there are many of us out there who would love to have your problem, who would move heaven and earth and give their right arms to be in the position in which you are.  No, parenting isn't easy, but there are legions of us around that would just like to even sniff the opportunity.  

To all the moms (and dads out there): love your children.  Happy Mother's Day.

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