Friday, August 12, 2011

Top Ten NFL QB's Of All Time

Nick has written up a list of the top quarterbacks in NFL history (Part IPart II) and reading through it, I started thinking how much I disagree with it and thus should come up with my own list of top ten quarterbacks. So without further ado, here is the Lattanzi Land Top Ten NFL Quarterbacks of All Time.

10) Joe Montana (49ers) – He won four Super Bowls and was on the all-time lists for statistics. He doesn’t get higher up on the list for three four reasons – a) He should have won SIX Super Bowls but like the complete wimp he was, he got knocked out of a bunch of playoff games; b) he was a ‘system QB’ in the purest sense (i.e. he was a robot built by Bill Walsh, but not a durable one – see above), c) he didn’t even have the common courtesy to remain standing for the signature play of his career, and d) those Skechers commercials make him look like a child molester.

9) Terry Bradshaw (Steelers) – Like Montana, he also won four Super Bowls; unlike Montana, he gets remembered by John Facenda in all the NFL Films specials, which makes him much cooler. Bradshaw also has a better singing voice; his duet with Paul McCartney is one of the most moving memories of my life. Finally, he didn’t destruct when a stiff breeze blew over him like Montana. However, he doesn’t rate higher because his success was due to a sheet of steel, a ballet dancer, and of all things, an Italian army.

8) Kenny Stabler (Raiders) – Stabler is on the list for his proximity to so many miracles in his career, whether for or against him. Fastest ever to 100 wins at the time and a holds a Super Bowl victory. What bumps him up is having to put up with John Madden as his head coach for much of his career: “Now, Ken, if we are going to be successful, you are going to have to complete passes and throw touchdowns.”

7) Len Dawson (Chiefs) – one of the greatest AFL quarterbacks of all time, and a Super Bowl victor as well. His ring counts for one and a half (which is one and a half more than Dan Marino, by the way), because he won as an AFL QB and because of the big gambling scandal that threatened to break out. Not every man can play under that strain. Spygate? Pfft. Big deal. Some cameras in practice, who cares? We are talking about GAMBLIN’, man! The most eeeeevil thing that can happen in sports. Just ask Pete Rose. Or Art Schlicter. And Len Dawson won with that over his head. That’s how you become one of the greats!

6) Troy Aikman (Cowboys) – No quarterback in history was as good as Aikman in taking the ball through the center’s legs and…handing it off to the most prolific running back in history. A true leader! No one could delegate authority like Troy Aikman, and it goes to show that you don’t have to do it all yourself. One of the great field generals of all time. Like Patton, Aikman never had to actually fire a cannon or a gun to succeed in leading one of the greatest armies of his era.

5) Jim Plunkett (Raiders)  – Two-time Super Bowl champion and has the amazing distinction of being the only quarterback in the history of the NFL to defeat the Eagles in the Super Bowl*. He was also so good that TV networks use film of him playing when they show career highlights of other quarterbacks. If that isn’t incredible, I don’t know what is!

4) Jeff Hostetler (Giants) – First, no one can ever argue with a 112.0 passer rating in a postseason career. Secondly, who else has a cool nickname like ‘Hoss’? Just think of the possibilities. Thirdly, Hostetler has the distinction of beginning the complete and utter disintegration of the NFL franchise formerly known as the Buffalo Bills in what is the single greatest Super Bowl of all time, bar none. Guys like Aikman are mere beneficiaries of the truly groundbreaking moments for which Hostetler was responsible. A true American hero!

3) Joe Namath (Jets) – Only once in the history did anyone guarantee victory on camera against a behemoth of a favorite in an NFL-AFL World Championship Game and succeed. Hence, Joe Willie Namath. Also provided on of the signature shots of ABC Sports for some time. Put that along with some epic pantyhose ads, a Simpsons appearance, and a blog named after his most embarrassing drunken moment, there is no possible way that he couldn’t crack the top three.

2) Trent Dilfer (Ravens) – Super Bowl champion. Yes, hard to believe, isn’t it? But before you chuckle, remember some things about Dilfer. a) He was so good that the Ravens were able to win games despite not scoring a single offensive touchdown for a month. b) He was also such a great leader that the Ravens allowed the fewest points in modern NFL history. c) He never lost a game as the starter in that great Raven season. Don’t forget also, that he makes appearances on ESPN’s SportsNation, which is the most important show on the World Wide Leader In Sports. How many appearances has Dan Marino made on SportsNation?

1) Bob Griese (Dolphins) – Only completely undefeated season ever. No one can ever top this.  Are there any questions?

*Some will say Tom Brady should be on the list of QB’s who have beaten the Eagles, but since the Patriots were filthy rotten criminals and cheaters, that game never happened and thus Plunkett remains the only QB to ever beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl.

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