Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Some "Deep" Thoughts on Christmas

"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."  -- Bart Simpson

This has always been one of my favorite quotes in The Simpsons, because it sort of gives away how a certain segment of the population views the holiday itself.

Then you have Drew Magary's "10 Things That Christmas Would Be Better Off Without" on Deadspin.  Beware, lots of foulness emanates from that post, which includes such "deep" thoughts as...

1. Jesus
I'm telling you, Christmas would be improved markedly without all the f*cking bullsh*t Jesus stuff involved. "But Drew!" you say, "The whole point of Christmas is to celebrate Christ's birth!" Not anymore, it isn't. The whole point of Christmas is for me to get loaded and eat a Thanksgiving's worth of food every night for an entire month. This holiday has completely outgrown its roots. We don't need the Jesus part in 2010. Dec. 25 isn't even his REAL birthday, you know. He was born on March 12.
3. Christmas Cards That Do Not Include An Awkward Family Photo
The only reason to send me a Christmas card is so I can look at your family and pick apart each member's looks one by one. Did you get fat? Why is your child wearing that john-john? Are you really that much of a snobby prick? Is that your living room? Looks like it was designed by a blind heterosexual. This is Christmas. It's my season to JUDGE YOU. Don't send me some Christmas card that has no picture in it. You may as well be sending me a FiOs direct mail piece. Into the fireplace with it. AND NO PICTURES OF JUST YOUR DOG. If there's anything people care about less than your kids, it's your stupid f*cking dog.
5. Lexus's December To Remember
Every year, people complain about those f*cking red bows in the Lexus ads, and every year, Lexus keeps rolling them out. And they do this just to piss you off. They're basically like, "Oh, we know you hate us and our rich customers. But you know what? F*CK YOU. We're adding even MORE bows to this ES, and there's nothing you can do about it because you are f*cking POOR and can't afford to go to a doctor. DEAL WITH IT."
Ok, I do agree with this last one above - it's annoying to see a CAR wrapped in a ribbon.  But I don't mind the car; in fact, I want one.

From the other side of the world, we can never forget the Puritans who want to take the time out of their humdrum lives to remind us who want to celebrate that Christmas is really an eeeeeeeeevil pagan holiday!  Example:

I used to like reading WND because it provided a diversity of views, even as the founder was steadfast in his fundamentalist Christian worldview. However, in the past few years, they have been giving forums to more and more kooky types, especially those who are proponents of a particular form of Christianity that is hostile to the type which I practice - Catholicism. Watching this video reminds me of the active hostility toward the Catholic roots of Christmas. Although I do have a couple of questions for Mr. Rives - such as, does he think that we worship the sun god on December 25th? Does he think that because some Puritans banned Christmas in a (then) obscure colony in 1650, that it has some kind of authoritative measure?

As I said in my post about the Hebrew Roots Movement (which, it seems, judging from Mr. Rives' other videos, he is a proponent of), this is what you get when throw history overboard and rely completely on a book, even an inspired one, that was not in complete form until at least the year 350 AD.  It's a shame, because instead of spending time proclaiming the birth of the Lord, they become grinches who wallow in their own smugness and self-righteousness.

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