Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Uselessness of Valentine's Day

I have celebrated St. Valentine's Day before.

I also felt extremely dirty afterward; so dirty, in fact, that I needed to take multiple showers to get the mushy crap off of me.

Fortunately for me now, I am married to a woman that does not care one iota for St. Valentine's Day.

Thank God.

We actually make fun of the day constantly; we call it 'V-D Day', since if you watch a lot of commercials, the whole purpose of February 14th apparently to get laid early and often. Buy her a Pajama-gram and maybe she'll let you watch her take it off! I don't ever call it 'V Day' because that would give credence to the disgusting and appalling abomination known as the Vagina Monologues. But 'V-D Day' fits (for most people who don't know, 'VD' is venereal disease, which is what it was called prior to the adoption of 'STD' for those kinds of conditions), for some obvious reasons.

So I don't ever have to waste a single cent on stupid bullsh*t like flowers, candy, cards, and underwear with hearts on them. I am a better man for it. I don't have to waste my time looking for 'perfect' gifts just to satisfy some cultural Pavlovian stimulus. Honestly, if you need Hallmark, Reese's, ProFlowers, and Vermont Teddy Bear to remind you to tell your significant other that you love him/her, then what does that say about your relationship? We don't need it, and rationally, I think we all know that. Unfortunately, February 14th is not a particular day where reason is in ready supply. And that's a shame.

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